It’s been a little
more than three months, and date night is here again. I still remember the first conversation vividly, even though it was years ago. They say time flies. The
last time you listened in was 15 weeks ago…105 days ago…2520 hours ago… (You
know the numbers are just an attempt at build-up)
(Did I get you,
though? :P)
I’m bursting with
questions for TOM. The past quarter year has been eventful. I’m nervous,
anxious, excited and a hundred things all at once. But putting all these thoughts
away, I greet TOM with a radiant smile. You got this right… This smile has been
perfected in office… Just about welcoming enough to make you look amiable from
afar, but not warm enough to induce conversation beyond “What’s up?”
Me: Hi TOM! How
you doing?
TOM: Oh, hello! I’ve been wonderful… busy soaking
up the new city, new people, your new stint. It’s all been incredible so far.
I’ve thought about thanking you a hundred times for all this but decided
against it. I know you’ll take credit for everything even when you had no hand
in this.
Me: ** Sheepish **
Well, I did move cities, no?
TOM: Only out of compulsion. And honestly tell
me, weren’t you only too happy to leave Mumbai behind? Aren’t you dreading your
impending return to the city?
Me: You’re my inner voice dude! Shut up! You’re
not supposed to shout this out from the rooftops. What if my colleagues read
this? ** turns back to see one of them hastily closing their browser window **
There you go! I’ve had it now. ** sits down dejectedly **
TOM: Well well… at least you are seated now. Tell
me child, what’s been troubling you? I know I’m not the cause of that sudden
outburst.
Me: Why do you think I’m speaking with you
TOM? I wouldn’t come to you if I weren’t confused. Who cares about you when all
is hunky-dory?
TOM: That was just
the tiniest bit hurtful.
Me: Apologies. That did sound worse than it
is. You know how it is. Everything seems to be going fine. Just then a question
pops up in your head, “What now?” And you’re sent into a frenzy because you do
not have an answer. For the longest time I’ve had one or the other goal in
life. I’ve always worked towards something. Be it getting into the college of
my choice, securing the first rank, getting the lead in that dance team… there
has always been something to look forward to. And what now?
TOM: Go on, I’m
listening.
Me: I’m in such a flux. Working a regular job
where my career path has already been decided by some man in a business suit
just doesn’t seem appealing enough. What do I have to do to get that promotion?
Just be a good girl, keep my head down, and work. Nothing more. Where is the
excitement in all of this? You will not believe me when I say that in the past
two weeks I’ve thought about each one of these:
·
Training to be psychologist
·
Opening yoga camps
·
Being a restaurateur
·
Opening a kid’s library
·
Developing a technology for payment tracking
·
Getting a Masters in English Literature
·
Getting a Masters in Psychology
·
Sitting for UGC NET
·
Opening a YouTube cookery channel
I’m not even talking about me
trying my hand at writing. Do you see how conflicted I am?
TOM: I’m still
reading that list…
Me: Exactly my point. I wake up wanting to be
one thing, and sleep wanting to be another. How do I decide where do I want to
go? How do I set a new goal in life? What if all these twenty-five years of
hard work are completely irrelevant in that new field?
TOM: For once I’m
afraid I’m speechless. You’ve been preparing this script for some time now, no?
Me: It has been
on my mind, yes.
TOM: Knowing the person that you are, I don’t see
a reason why you can’t be each of those things. You are a determined one. Let
me think what’s stopping you then.
** Finally, I’ve got her thinking. Calls for a little
victory dance **
** TOM snaps out of her ‘deep’ thought **
It’s simple. You’re uncertain
about where you want to be because you’re unsure of how it will be when you get
there. Will it be better than your present situation? You don’t know. Honestly,
you’ve never had it tough in life. All you did was study. You’re earning good
money, but you don’t know what to do with it. Neither do you know how else to
earn the comfortable life you have. You’ve always done the one thing you were
best at, while dabbling in others for fun. You’re reaping rich returns, but now
you want more. You don’t want the first twenty-five years of your life to
dictate the coming seventy-nine.
Did I get it right?
Me: Are you
sure you didn’t smoke up by mistake?
TOM: ** bursts out laughing ** When you’re me, a mere
spectator, it’s not very difficult to figure people out. As you once said, I
don’t have to deal with the practicalities of this world. I have ample time to
think. I wake up in a silent room, only after you’ve put your laptop and
yourself to sleep.
Me: But what
do I do now? You haven’t given me any answers.
TOM: Those are
for you to find…
That’s when TOM
spots a plate of chhole bhature behind me. I hate how these conversations end
so abruptly. But God knows we’ve been missing those bhaturas here in Bangalore.
Who can stand up to good food? Not me, not TOM…
Until next time
folks!
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